Self-Care and Boundaries

“Self-care” has become such a buzzword that it sometimes gets watered down to bubble baths and the luxury of going to the bathroom in peace. For me, the meaning hit home years ago when my sister told me to “start taking care of myself.”  At first, I thought, What is she talking about?  After all, I brushed my teeth and changed my underwear—well, most days. But eventually, I realized real self-care goes beyond the basics. At its core, it’s about honoring and protecting my highest self so it can ShiNe brightly and make a difference while I’m here on Earth.

Beyond basic self-care, the most difficult thing for me to practice is giving myself enough space so I can get in tune with myself and figure things out.  I’ve gotten much better throughout the years, but the other day, I practiced in earnest, and I learned a little bit more about myself, my beliefs, my values, and boundaries.

I’m generally pretty good natured and love to have fun in life, and boundaries feel restrictive to me.  It’s a lot of work to think about my values and then set up boundaries to protect and honor them, so I let them slide assuming people will know what they are and then wonder what is wrong with them when they seem to run rough shot over the top of me.  That’s on me, and it is not very good self-care.

The other day, it was different.  I was about to start a group when one member walked in with palpably hostile energy. I opened with a simple question—“How was everyone’s evening?”—and he immediately launched into personal jabs aimed at me. Normally, I would have tried to redirect, to change his perspective. But this time I paused. I gave myself space.

And in that pause, I discovered something surprising: there was nothing I needed to say and nothing I needed to defend. I simply continued where I had left off. When his aggression escalated and another participant joined in, I called it out and asked them to leave.

Now, technically, I later learned that wasn’t the “correct” protocol. But here’s what changed for me: instead of defaulting to self-blame and criticizing myself for not knowing better or handling the whole situation better—I thought, If I wasn’t trained or informed, how could I possibly know? Uncommunicated protocol isn’t my chaos to carry, nor is the stress of the client’s internal conflict. I’m doing the best I can with the knowledge I have.

That shift was powerful.

What was equally striking was noticing how easily colleagues fall into the pattern of normalizing high levels of stress as they offer the familiar line: “Just hang in there…” But “hanging in there” usually means “get used to it,” and I realized—I don’t want to get used to it. Not the stress of too little time, not the broken technology, not the constant pull between what I believe in and what I’m asked to do. I saw myself teetering on that slope, stopped, and firmly said, “No, thank you,”  and that was that.   

That was a moment of becoming.  Becoming what,” you ask?  A more calm, peaceful, and coherent version of myself. 

Because here’s the truth:

·         Self-care isn’t selfish, and it isn’t shallow. It’s sacred. It’s the practice of choosing yourself—not at the expense of others, but in alignment with the truest version of you.

·         Boundaries aren’t walls meant to keep people out; they’re bridges that guide others toward how to treat us with respect.

·         Space isn’t avoidance; it’s the breathing room where wisdom and clarity come alive.

·         And becoming isn’t a final destination—it’s an unfolding, a daily choice to say yes to what supports your highest self and no, thank you to what dims your light.

So, if you’re wondering where to begin, start here: listen to your body, your heart, your intuition. They will always tell you the truth. They’ll point you toward the environments, the people, and the practices that help you ShiNe.

I’ve started to pay closer attention to these subtle signs—the nudges from the Universe, the quiet guidance from something greater. And for the first time, I’m not just noticing them, I’m beginning to trust them. I don’t have the full roadmap yet, but I know this: I will get there by enjoying the journey and surrounding myself with people who accept and support me as I am—analytical, a little unusual, and yes, wonderfully human.

My cousin Mitch once summed it up beautifully. After I finished remodeling my home, I asked his opinion. He looked around and said, “It’s like you—cute, and a little bit weird.” I took it as a compliment.

And maybe that’s the real adventure of self-care—not just surviving the day, but becoming the kind of person who thrives, radiates, and inspires simply by being fully, unapologetically themselves!

May you find your own “cute and a little bit weird,” ShiNe and spread your light wherever you go!